An old letter in my father's effects

November 18, 2001

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday! As you know, last Saturday was my birthday, my 54th. I was lucky enough to get one of the nicest gifts I ever received, a birthday letter from my daughter. Her example has inspired this letter to you. While I’ll try not to plagiarize too much from her, most of what she had to say to me applies doubly to you.

You’ve lived eighty years, something I’ll bet you never expected, and I’m sure I speak for all my siblings when I say you should know by now what a great father you have been to us and how much we love and admire you.

When we were young you and Mum gave us a wonderful, safe, warm home, and plenty of loving attention, while at the same time you challenged us to learn to use our minds. Some of my fondest memories in life, which will always be with me, are your readings from Dr. Doolittle and the Swallows and Amazon books.

You gave us every material advantage without spoiling us. You (amazingly) found a way to send us to private schools and put us through college, and now you are well on your way to doing the same for our children. I know at the time how little I personally valued those wonderful gifts and what poor use I put them too, but in spite of myself, they have been a huge asset in my life for which my appreciation increases every year. Even long after we reached supposed adulthood you have unflinchingly been there with whatever material support we needed, as I have very recent reason to acknowledge.

But however much support you have given us, you have never tried to interfere in or control our lives. Instead you have been a wonderful example of how to live.

You and Mum have been the model of a strong, loyal, loving, respectful, and supportive marriage. You have always taken pleasure in each other’s company - sharing travel, cruising adventures, concerts, hiking and picnicking. While you often took us kids along, you also showed that you had a life beyond us, relieving us from the pressure of having your life depend on us and our success or failure.

You built a successful business, saw it steadfastly through good times and bad, succeeding with honesty and hard work. You treated risk and reward with equal apparent equanimity. You were respected by your customers and employees alike. When the time came, you sold your business to someone you had trained so well he continued to build on your success.

Not withstanding your success, you have always lived modestly. You and Mum are still happily enjoying the same house you bought more than 50 years ago. You have always picked your clothing, you cars, and your boats for their suitability to your needs, rather their ability to impress others.

You have always seen the world as place for laughter, but never at the expense of another. When we were just children you addicted us all to laughter, a vice that has kept us all from taking ourselves too seriously, and vastly enriched our lives forever. I consider my sense of humor to be the one personality trait I would most hate to lose, and I owe what of that trait I have entirely to you.

Obviously, love of the sea and of sailing has been important in my life, and, again, I have you to thank for giving it to me, whether by nature or nurture I can’t say. Again, it is something for which I will always be grateful.

In these and many other ways you have been a wonderful model to all of your children and to their children as well. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful father.

With greatest respect and affection,